It always feels like a constant struggle. Allowing my mind to rest. To believe what is actually true, and not created in the depths of my midnight thoughts. As you go down the spiral, you begin to think things you thought you outgrew. Those thoughts and feelings you thought were only brought on by your last relationship. But they’re still very much there. Waving at you, welcoming you back into the darkness.
Our minds are so powerful. We can convince ourselves of just about anything with enough concentration. Madness is similar to faith, they both need just a little push. When your mind begins to wander off, into the unknown forest of self doubt, it can feel like an uphill battle trying to reel it back in. As your mind runs through looking at all the forbidden fruit, you can’t help but to wonder what lead you down this path. This path you promised yourself you would never, ever go near again. Yet here you are. In the center of the forrest, looking for a way out. You know you don’t want to feel this way, but you’re in so deep without any road map.
When you begin to doubt yourself, everything around you feels like it is crumbling down. The trigger that brought the initial thought, is now pulling the rest of your world down too. Triggers are a funny thing. We don’t always recognize them as they are. Sometimes they look shiny and new, exciting and different. All just a mask for what is really lying underneath. Self doubt is undoubtedly, one of the worst feelings. When you feel like you are stuck in your own mud, slowing sinking in the quick sand. You have two choices. To wallow in it or to frantically search for your tools to fix this.
It’s easy to think you’re not enough. When someone looks prettier than you. When someone gets more likes on a picture than yours. When someone is making more money than you. When your love may not only be just yours. You very quickly feel like you’re not enough for anyone or anything. Like all of your hard work doesn’t amount to much and here you are just wasting away. I am a firm believer that everything happens for a reason. Maybe your lover wasn’t committed to just you. But that is a blessing in disguise. Maybe someone does make more money than you, right now. But that doesn’t mean you can’t begin a new job search. Life is all about how you see it. It’s all about perspective. When you begin to doubt yourself, you begin to wonder am I enough for the life I am living?
I am here to tell you, you are enough. You are so enough. You are enough for the job you want. You are enough for the love you deserve. You are enough for everything you yearn for in your life. No one can take that from you, not even your mind in it’s darkest hours. You are more than enough today, yesterday and tomorrow.